There Are Days Where I Wonder…How The Heck…

When I’m taking care of myself I’m very sensitive to the symptoms of high and low blood sugars.  When I’m taking care of myself and my blood sugars are within my range, lows take me for a trip and anything above 180 gives me a stomach ache that has me hurting.

It’s on days where I have high blood sguars that make me sick to my stomach that I wonder how…how I made it a year when I was younger with regularly high blood sugars and not taking insulin.  It makes me wonder how, this past year, I made it several months with regularly high blood sugars and not taking insulin. 

This morning I woke up with a blood sugar of 308.  I had sorely miscalculated my carbs for a late night meal last night and when I went to bed  with a blood sugar of 306.  I didn’t properly correct for that blood sugar because I wanted to be a little higher this morning for my run.  What I didn’t expect was that my miscalculation was so far off and that my undercut correction would do nothing.  I woke up with a stomach ache.

This blood sugar and the fierce stomach ache that came with it make me wonder how I can handle those times where I’m an active diabulimic.  Diabulimia is being in a constant state of high blood sugars due to not taking insulin (for reasons I’m not going to discuss that here at this time).  It amazes me how when I’m taking care or moving into a place of taking care of myself that the high blood sugars and stomach aches and nausea/vomiting will move me into a place of needing to take insulin to fix the problem the way a heroin addict needs to shoot up to curb their craving and yet that need isn’t there when I’m completely not taking care of my diabetes.

As I sit here and think about this, I don’t understand how I’m missing that piece when I’m off track the way I was…where were the stomach aches, was I so immune to them the way we get immune to low blood sugars when they’re happening constantly…an insistivity…it’s just so crazy to me…I was so miserable this morning…I didn’t even want my daily chai latte or breakfast!  And I eat a good breakfast daily these days!  Where is that same feeling when we go off track??? 

And the bigger question, how the heck do I deal with the constant highs when 1 high today made me so miserable???

The thought of the day…how the heck…

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