Unclear – Diabetes 365 – January 22, 2010

By Courtney | No Rookie Marks »

Unclear - Diabetes 365 - January 22, 2010

So much of life is unclear, we cannot see start to finish. But then, if we could see start to finish would we want to go through life that way. Would we want to know everything that was going to happen and walk through it like drones. I don’t think so, even God didn’t want us to walk through life as drones. That’s why He gave us choice. We don’t always know where we’re headed in the long run, but one thing is clear, and that is the present.

When we look at life at a higher level we can also see life at a lower level. The unclearness of life trickles down so much lower, into the everyday things we experience.

Diabetes is unclear. I’ve got the clear, more like a clearing, a heading, a direction I need to be pursuing. Tight diabetes control. It is clear that I need that. What is unclear is how I get there. I’ve got an outline, a general heading, I have a general idea of where the obstacles are, but I can’t see through to the end. I can only see what I’m closest to…the here, the now, the present. This moment.

I have a hard time living in the moment. I’m a forward thinker. I’m always thinking of the next thing. Okay, not always, I have my moments of spontaneity. But mostly, I’m thinking forward. I think the worst place I do this is with the D. With the exception of my anger and frustration, I’m not in the moment with it. I see a high and I think about how it’s gonna affect my A1c. I see a low and think about how it’s gonna affect whatever I wanted to do. The future is unclear, and it’s unclear because of the present. We can’t predict and control what’s going to happen in the future, we can only control what’s happening now.

I know that I need to clear my vision and focus on what’s happening right now…and, it’s a hard task to do that, but it’s what I have to do or everything is always going to be unclear.

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