I’m a female, I have emotions. I don’t like that I’m emotional, but I am. It comes with the territory. I have diabetes, that makes me emotional. Not only does the condition make me emotional, but the blood sugars can cause emotions to run high as well. And then there’s the normal life events that make me emotional.
Today, it is the sad execution of my dog. My friend. The one being on earth that loves me unconditionally. He’s been going down hill for a long time now, over the past year or so. Two weeks ago he went to the vet to get a sticker pulled out of his infected foot and blood tests were done. We found out his kidneys were failing and his thyroid was shot. The poor thing was going blind and deaf and was peeing everywhere.
I argued for months that he was peeing everywhere because he was pissed at my parents. I argued that he wouldn’t ever pee in my room. My room was the only room he hadn’t peed in until last night. What’s worse is it’s very much my fault that he peed in my room. I left the room to run my bath water and closed the door behind me. I heard him scratching on the door and I didn’t rush to get to him. He peed on my floor. It was the last straw. Mom was done with him. She said he had to live out the remainder of his days in his kennel. That is no existence for any creature, it’s like putting someone in a nursing home for the rest of their days. It’s sad.
This morning my mom called me for something and I asked what it would cost to put Dominic down. She said she’d call and get a quote. A quote was all I was expecting. She didn’t have money, I didn’t have money. We really couldn’t afford to have him put down. She called me back and said “we have a 10:45 appointment”. I fell apart.
This was my best friend that I asked about putting down. He’s been in my life for half of it. There will never be another creature that can live half my life…Dominic, we got him when he was a little itty bitty pup. Dad would put him in his boot on his way to bed and Dominic would peak his head over the top. This is the dog that would tolerate me dressing him up and using the doll cribs for him. This is the dog that was so smart that he figured out how to open chap stick. This is the dog that was sensitive, I had little miniature pound puppies that kept disappearing from my bed and were found in his kennel. This is the dog that made bacon out of his stuffed pig one year when he put it by the space heater. This is the dog that could’ve been a lizard if we got him a heating rock. This is the dog that for the past several years I’ve woken up to with him on my bed because dad would put him in my room before he left for work. This is the dog that knew when I had low blood sugars. He was my dog. He loved me and I loved him. When I got home from work he wanted to be with me. If I was in my room he wanted to be with me. He got sad when I left the house for work in the morning. This was my dog. We’ve had 5 dogs in my lifetime and he was the first one that I was truly attached to. Two others have died and been buried and I was sad but I wasn’t heart broken. One we had to give away, I can’t even remember being sad about him. The pup and I don’t have the relationship that Dominic and I had.
I had to fight to be with him because my mom didn’t think I could handle watching him die. But I fought that I needed to be with him and I be the last person he see because he was mine and the last thing he didn’t need to see was her or the vet.
It broke my heart to do that to him. It made me cry. A lot. I cried all day. It was sad and heart breaking. My best friend is gone. Thinking about it makes me cry. Walking into my house causes tears to well up. Looking at his rug at the end of my bed causes tears to flow.
as a side note, all the emotions are wreaking havoc on my blood sugars…