New Year’s Revelation

Today is a new day, month, year, and decade. But none of that really means much of anything, it’s just a momentary thought of *ooooh shiny* while we marvel that we’re now in the twenty teens.

While most people take this day to define their resolutions for the coming year, I had a revelation. It started
yesterday as I was reflecting on my goals from last year and thinking about goals in general.

Eventually, I’ll get around to writing about how I didn’t meet my goals, but then again, I knew fairly early on that I didn’t and wouldn’t meet them. In the real world this is when people would adjust their goals accordingly so that they could meet them.

I’m not the real world, I’m Courtney and here’s what I think:

Goals in general are used for guidance, they help us define a direction we want to head and then it’s our job to actually head in that direction and meet the goals. And as I was reflecting on what the purpose of goals were, I reflected on how I’ve handled goals as my life has progressed. Until last year, I didn’t have goals, I refused to, I refused to use the word. Yesterday’s reflections showed me why I didn’t like the word “goal” nor did I have them. This was my revelation: I cannot function in a goal defined arena in my life outside of work. (With the big exception of one goal, which really isn’t a goal to me, it’s a mission.)

Let me break this down:

Goals in my workplace life are essential. They define direction and I need direction. They also give room for improvement because if stuff isn’t getting done something is wrong and evaluation happens (or is supposed to) and things are put back on a course. It is absolutely imperative for me to have goals and be working in a group that has goals in my work life. This insures that we’re heading somewhere and that there is purpose to what we’re doing. This is also the only place that I can deal with goals in my life. Without goals in the workplace, I crumble and feel as though there is no purpose to what I’m doing. This is not true in my personal outside of work life.

Goals outside of work don’t represent a need for direction they more accurately represent an impending failure (and yes, failure is good and there’s always something to learn but it’s devastating as well and it hurts when I don’t meet my goals…keep in mind that many of them I don’t meet because I’m lazy, have no motivation, and often times don’t make the time to do something or I procrastinate longer than any procrastinator should procrastinate). I just can’t operate with defined goals in my personal life. It just doesn’t work and realistically, I have no desire to make it work. There is stuff I want to do, if I do it great, if I don’t…then hopefully I’ll get to do it at a later date. There is stuff I will strive to do to a great extent. There is stuff that I won’t let pass me by.

And thus, we conclude with me flying free this year, undefined by goals. EXCEPT! by the one big goal in my life which isn’t so much a goal as it is a mission: riding in every Tour de Cure in the country. That’s one goal I’m sticking to.