I really just have to express how much I hate diabetes…especially when I’m taking care of it, because me controlling it really means it’s controlling me. I’ve thought this often. I something I regularly struggle with.
Nailing down the inconsistencies in the diabetes realm means doing things regularly. The same thing at the same time, day in and day out. Checking blood at similar times, eating at similar times, taking insulin at similar times. All in the name of tracking patterns and trends so that positive changes can be made for the better.
This is something that’s not a piece of me, consistency is something I lack. At my last doctor appointment when I was asked for something I did at the same time every day, I couldn’t tell her anything. I don’t go to bed at the same time, I don’t ever wake up at the same time, meals are eaten whenever, never at the same time from day to day, snacks I eat just to eat, again, nothing regular on the time clock for them…
I wouldn’t even say I lack it, it makes it seem like it’s something important to say I lack it (which, in this case it is, but that’s also besides the point) it’s just that I don’t…*sigh*…i just happen to operate better these days when I can do anything at a whim…when I’m not bound by anything…when there’s no structure…
But diabetes demands consistency, regularity and structure…and it’s got me rather irked right now.
It’s got me irked because I want to have better control of my numbers, I want to see my A1c dip down to if not below 6.5. But I’ve also worked hard to make sure that my life isn’t scheduled. I’ve worked hard to be sure that I can do things when I want to do things and that’s the end of the story. I’ve worked hard to be able to lead a life that’s not structured. And while I love that freedom, it’s injuring me right now in my quest to fix this darned disease…and that hurts me, it hurts me deep.
In order for me to obtain “control” of diabetes, that means it controls me and forces me into a place I don’t want to be. A place of being bound by it. A place of, it runs me, not me running it. Which is something that I’ve tried to explain to people for years but no one understands…please tell me that there’s someone out there that understands. That understands that taking control of diabetes means diabetes has control of you…
.png)
as much as I hate those words … diabetes does control me … I do my stomping around, my put up the good fight, D does not have me routine constantly….but in the back of my mind I know it DOES have me…I have to think about it with exercising, playing with my kids, eating each meal or snack, controls my finances, controls a huge hunk of my time that I wish I could have back & give those minutes to friends and family instead of insurance companies, dr’s appointments, treating lows & highs …. could go on and on…
yes! “diabetes demands consistency, regularity and structure” and yes it sucks! sometimes I can only go day by day…
Keep Pressin’!
oh yes, there’s all that control as well…*rolls eyes*
I know exactly what you mean, but I decide how I’m going to frame this thing. I see it as me fighting diabetes. The disease, left alone to decide what I will do, would just have me die. Well, that’s not happening. And I’m not going blind or losing my extremities.
Then of course, there’s the insulin. Does insulin control me? When I think about it, in a lot of ways it does.
It can be just as bad or worse than the diabetes.
But I choose to fight my diabetes, and that means making insulin my ally.
Sorry for rambling off on a tangent, but this relationship is something I’ve been thinking about lately.
Jerry, your rambling just spawned a thought…we’re the borg and insulin is the collective