You think I’d learn or at least pretend that I’d learned

By Courtney | 2 Rookie Marks »

March 2003

I almost died, which really translates to, I almost killed myself. I took a year off from taking care of my diabetes and I was drinking fairly heavily during that year as well. After I almost died, after the doctors told my mom that they had no clue what I had done to myself, after I was released from the hospital, I was rather sick for about a year. I couldn’t get healthy. My body’s immune system and resistance to germs was shot. But still, even after that near death experience, it took me several more years to get serious about taking care of my diabetes.

March 2007

Cycling saved my life. Cycling gave me a reason to take care of my diabetes. I don’t think that if I hadn’t thought about how I could be an athlete/cyclist that I would’ve ever found a reason or felt a need to take care or my diabetes.

September 2008

I went back to my old ways. I started drinking again, my diabetes care slipped (which, to be completely honest, wasn’t really all that great anyways.) Nothing was worth taking care of my diabetes for because I wasn’t cycling because I was constantly injured because the idiot in me who has a bum knee decided that running would be a great thing.

My first half marathon
at the end of August severely injured my knee (that was already injured).

My second half marathon in October was ok because I walked the entire thing.

And then I trained for a marathon and was mostly injuryless during that time but because I was training for a marathon I wasn’t cycling (and it was cold and it’s easier to run in the cold than to cycle). And then I got injured during my marathon, severely strained my peroneous longus. That took me out for another month after the marathon.

And then, I was lazy, and it was still cold outside, and I had no desire to cycle. And then when I wanted to cycle, I got sick, so sick I was lying in bed whining like a baby for 10 days. And I’m still sick, fighting off whatever has got a hold of me.

This is where one would think that I would’ve learned. Not taking care of my diabetes leads to bad things, like getting sick and my body not having the strength to kill the bacteria that is “killin” me. Which leads to me not wanting to do anything in general, which leads to me not wanting to take care of my diabetes because I can’t do things because my diabetes interferes anyhow…see the vicious circle I’ve got going here.

Currently I’m where I’m sick, and so I don’t want to cycle, but I also feel like I don’t want to cycle because it takes too much for me to manage my diabetes in order for me to be able to cycle, and so, I’m doing a mediocre job of managing my diabetes…(well, ok, honestly, in the past several weeks I’ve done better than mediocre, it’s just so hard not seeing things snap into place as quickly as I can make them snap out.)

It’s a phase, and I know I’ll step out of it sooner or later…I just had to get this off my chest…

2 Rookie Marks On You think I’d learn or at least pretend that I’d learned

  1. It sounds like this post was very therapeutic for you (as you said, you needed to get it off your chest).

    Diabetes is a real bitch when it comes to all the mind games it plays with us. As a victim of the vicious cycle myself, I don’t have any great inspiring feedback for you, other than to keep on keeping on. Sometimes that is all we can do.

    Keep us posted, we’re pulling for you.

    ...said Scott K. Johnson on March 26th, 2009
  2. Start the new year right this Saturday! Ride from my house – lots of places to stop and fuel along the way. >>Call me<< we’ll ride.

    ...said Misty on March 26th, 2009

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