Reminiscent of around the time I turned 13

By Courtney | 3 Rookie Marks »

Somewhere in the year in which I was 12, I was plagued with daily and/or nightly stomach aches. I can remember sitting in the kitchen, in a chair, just crying to mom about how much my stomach hurt and her telling me that there was nothing she could do. I’d mope around the house, I’d curl up on my bed, I’d go lay on the bathroom floor. It was a pretty miserable time in my life. Pepto-bismal didn’t work, mylanta didn’t work, tums didn’t work, peppermint candies didn’t work. Nothing worked on my stomach aches. Well, nothing except for vomiting, that was the only relief I could get from my stomach aches, but that was rough on my throat and I wasn’t exactly a fan of it.

I can remember doctor appointments where I had to drink this white chalky stuff so that they could see in my belly, I remember the ultra sounds. I remember being told that they couldn’t find anything wrong with my stomach that would cause the stomach aches I was getting.

I can remember my 13th birthday where mom had decided that she’d had enough of my stomach aches, and the crying, and the vomiting, and the low blood sugars associated with the vomiting because there was no longer food in my system and there was still insulin in my system and how I’d refuse to eat and so she took me to the ER.

I can remember when I was put on some kind of medication that I had to take 30 minutes before each meal and how that didn’t last long because I hate taking pills. It maybe lasted 2 years max.

That is what this past week has reminded me of. Each night I’ve gone to bed with a stomach ache. Each night I’ve woken up because of the stomach ache. Each night I’ve tried to ignore the fact that I have a stomach ache and feel the need to vomit. Most nights, I ended up worshipping the porcelain god. Over the past week, him and I have gotten reacquainted with each other.

The difference between now and when I was 13, is that I now have a fear of vomiting. While I may gain relief from vomiting, it now causes insurmountable amounts of anxiety. Is once going to be enough. If I vomit more than once is it a product of my stomach ache or is it a case of DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis) in the makings. And while I’m mostly dutiful in making sure that my blood sugars are within an acceptable range and that I don’t have ketones, I still fear that they’ll appear simply because it’s happened in the past. I fear vomiting because once it starts, and if it doesn’t stop, when I finally get around to getting to the ER they usually won’t just pump me full of fluids and give me something to stop the vomiting, they also try to keep me there.

Yes, this past week has been kindof like when I was almost 13, except worse because I’ve got experiences to throw into the mix that cause me anxiety.

3 Rookie Marks On Reminiscent of around the time I turned 13

  1. Hi.
    Reading this, I almost feel like you could be me as far as the stomach thing.
    I’ve got a question for you: Why are you so afraid of the possibility of actually finding out what is behind the stomach aches? Granted, diabetes can produce the ketones that could be behind it. However, there are other considerations. Considerations that can only be discovered through medical testing, unfortunately.
    For diabetics, severe stomach pains, nausea and vomitting should be a huge red flag. For one, it could signal the onset of pancreatitis, which causes a lot of the symptoms you describe. And yet, it isn’t something that an ulcer screen would look for. Going to the ER might not be something you really want to do. Going to your doctor may not, either. However, consider the alternative: once your pancreas is gone, it’s gone. Better to endure the testing to find out.
    My stomach problems are due to Late Stage 4 Kindney failure. I’ve got one kidney that functions at 27% and the reasons I am sick in the mornings and at night are due to the fact it can’t filter my blood like it’s supposed to, so I’ve got an overdose of “toxic buildup”. It’s got to come out some way, I suppose. However, keeping my protein intake to about 60 grams a day alleviates a lot of it. The rest of it, well, it’s a whole huge pain in the butt monitoring of everything that gets put into my body. Which means I have to read labels, go to a real butcher’s for fresh orgainic meats, ect, ect ad nauseum.
    However, I gotta tell you, the complications of having to do all that are certainly worth it. It’s gone from severe stomach pain and vomitting to feeling like I’ve got mild “morning sickness”. My quality of life is better now than it was 2 years ago.
    First, though, getting over the fear. You think if you go to the ER, they’ll find something really bad and admit you. And if that happens, well the rest of your household will fall apart because you’re all they’ve got.
    What happens if you suddenly weren’t there, period?
    Because, if you don’t take care of yourself, that will happen sooner than later.
    I really do urge you to talk with someone, like your doctor or one of the medical group’s social workers, or even a clergy person. You’d be surprised at the options that are out there that cover just about any situation, including lack of healthcare coverage, household assistance, ect.
    (I even found a support system that specialized in caring for pets while the owners are in the hospital!)
    But, if you let the fear rule your actions and decisions, well, then, you’ve already lost the war in its entirety, haven’t you?
    Please remember you are not alone.
    My thoughts and prayers;
    Dici

    ...said Dici on September 21st, 2008
  2. Hi Dici,

    The fear isn’t in going to the doctor or the ER, it’s in throwing up. I just don’t like it. Rest be assured that I do go to the doctor and the ER when it’s necessary :)

    Thanks for reading my blog, and thanks for your support, I do appreciate the reminder every now and then that I’m not alone :)

    Courtney

    ...said Courtney on October 1st, 2008

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