Maybe it was because I was speaking of my intentions to read Jurassic Park again. Maybe it’s because we had discussed in depth the Tyrannosaurus Rex ripping the dude out of the outhouse and the thoughts still running through his head as half of him was in the mouth of the T-Rex. Maybe it’s because I was discussing how the third Jurassic Park movie actually pulled in pieces from the original book by Michael Crichton, mainly the pterosaurs. Whatever it was that brought about my dream, it was crazy intense, and I woke up in a pool of sweat with my heart beating so hard and fast it might as well have not been in my chest anymore.
Without further ado, I give you, my crazy night spent running from T-Rex and throwing Pterosaur eggs.
I’m in a desert running from a T-Rex, I’m zigzagging because it’s the only thing I can think to do to slow him down, he’s so big though that with each step he’s practically over taking me. The “run from the crocodile” strategy isn’t working particularly well. I continue to run, thinking about what I can do, there’s no trees to scale, nothing for me to hide in, but then way up ahead in the distance, is a rock structure, if I can just get to that, maybe it’s high enough for me to scale and be safe from the T-Rex. And if I can’t be safe, maybe it’s high enough for me to get to where I can climb on him, poke his eyes out, his arms are little, surely they can’t reach his head. So I take off running, sprinting, toes toes toes. My heels never hit the ground. It was bad running form for the distance I had to go, I risked everything, because the worse case scenario (and it truly would’ve been worse case, it would’ve been worse than losing the race, it would’ve meant losing my life) I was going to slow down and end up in T-Rex’s mouth in one foul swoop.
I got to the rock foundation and started scrambling up it. But then there was no way for me to go further up, and I wasn’t quite secure in my position. Looking around trying to figure out what to do I see a ledge a little higher up than I am currently positioned. The problem is, the ledge isn’t wide enough for me to stand on, I feel around and can tell that it’s barely wide enough for me to grip with my fingers. I’m losing time as the T-Rex is now frustrated and is clawing at the rocks I had just moments before climbed up. I stretch my arms as far as they can go, pray the sweatyness will go away, and jump to grab the ledge. I’m hanging on, inching myself towards the far side of the ledge. T-Rex is now standing below me, looking at me with one piercing eye. In that moment I know that I’m as good as dead. My hand feels a loose rock, I use all my strength to pull myself up so that I can peer over the ledge to see what’s up there. There are bricks, and they’re loose. I lower myself back down to where I’m hanging, and start grabbing them and throwing them at T-Rex. He gets agitated as is to be expected. What was I thinking throwin’ bricks at a T-Rex? I had no clue and I knew I was dumb when he jumped up and his teeth rips through my pants. That was waaaaaaay to close for comfort. I abandon the need to throw bricks and scurry as fast as my little hands can pull me to the other side of the ledge. I grab a hold of a pillar and look around. There’s a shelf, the top of an arch actually, and it’s flat. If I can get over there I might be safe baring the eggs that I can only suspect are Pterodactyl. If mummy comes back I’m no safer there than I am here with the T-Rex.
I rotate myself around the pillar, stretch out my right leg and right arm, grab onto an outcropping of rock and let go of the pillar. I shuffle to the arch and let myself down. I’m safe. I’m high enough up that T-Rex can’t get to me. For a moment he’s not even in my sights. All is quiet, I seem to have lost him. Like an idiot, I creep to the nest of eggs. Just as I’m getting ready to peer into the nest, mamma appears, the darn thing wasn’t a Pterodactyl, it was a Pterosaur, not that I was any better off because of it. Her talons pierce my arms and shoulders but I manage to not get swept away. She’s squawking and making quite a fuss, but then, I’d do the same thing if I had children that were in danger. All the noise and movement attracts the attention of the T-Rex. I’m screwed now.
The Pterosaur turns her attention to the T-Rex and in a miscalculated swoop ends up dying as he turns his head and she gets caught in his teeth. Once again, maybe, for juat a moment, I’m safe. But then he turns to the rock, he trys to climb up to where I am, but he fails miserable. His little arms aren’t made for climbing. So he starts running into the fair leg of the arch, it begins to crumble. What I considered my safe haven is about to crash to the ground. I jump onto a piece of the arch that I think is safe from crumbling, T-Rex seeing my movements, jumps himself onto the same piece of rock that I’m on. We’re teetering, with every move made we’re in danger of the whole piece of rock toppling to the ground. We do a little dance, I move left he moves left. We’ve got to keep the thing balanced. After a bit of going left and going right I’m now where he was and he where I was. I can jump, I can jump and get to a ledge. And I do just that. As I jump, the whole slate of rock tumbles down to the ground with T-Rex.
I pull myself up to a ledge where there’s enough room to sit. I look around and see a cave down on the ground, the entrance hidden by an outcropping of rock. If I can get there I may be safe from whatever else is living in the desert. Of course, only if something hasn’t already made it’s home in the cave. I look over at T-Rex he’s lying on the ground, bleeding heavily, breathing heavily, I think he lost part of his tongue. I figure I can move about now, he’s no longer a threat.
I climb down the rock and my feet touch the ground not a moment too soon. T-Rex is back up on his. I’ve got one chance to get to that cave and hope that nothing is in it. Once again I’m sprinting for my life, this time, a sprint is more appropriate than a run. I dive into the cave as T-Rex lets down his head and opens his mouth to eat me alive in one piece. It’s pitch black in there but it’s small enough that he can’t get in. I never mind that he’s now clawing the opening trying to enlargen it. When did T-Rex get so smart I ponder to myself.
I feel my way around the cave, I’m up against the left hand wall feeling along when I feel another opening. I can’t go left so I’m forced to go right. This goes on for a while, right, right again, and then left. There’s a light in this room. Someone lives here, I’m in trouble once again. But they’re not home. I see a small shelf and underneath it some closed cabinets. Cabinets with stone doors. I pull them open thrilled to find that the space behind the cabinets is just that, open space, nothing filling it. So I fill it, I wedge myself in and close the doors, and I wait.
The living daylights are scared out of me when two men in army green walk in with machine guns and set down plastic bags, one of them holds a measuring tape, the kind that are commonly seen in sewing rooms. I yelled, “I’m sorry, please don’t shoot me” they look around and finally point their guns and the doors I hide behind. They say “It’s ok, come out, we’re not going to shoot you.” The one with the measuring tape puts down his gun and opens the doors. I look at him just as incredulously as he looks at me. He holds up the measuring tape and just as a little baby with bleach blonde hair spiked up in all directions comes waddling around the corner the man says “it’s his first birthday, we measured his head, it’s 10 inches in diameter”.
It is there I awake. I’m alive, in my bed, no dinosaurs, no men in army green, no machine guns, no crazy looking baby with a 10 inch in diameter head.