Chocolate and Candy - Diabetes 365 Day 125 - February 07, 2008
5th grade was probably the last time there was an exchange of candy was made at school. That was the first year that I had had diabetes during this special holiday and so the candy went home to mom, and I probably never saw it again, I don’t remember.
But this bag of valentines candy comes to me and I tell you what, I was excited. I had been telling my friend Alli that I needed chocolate for well over a week now, and she sent me this (among some other cool stuff and great words in a card).
There was more chocolate before the picture was taken, but as I said, I needed it!
Syringes - Diabetes 365 Day 124 - February 06, 2008
I was cleaning up (read: organizing) my diabetes cupboard and I saw the box of syringes, I was bored enough that I decided to line them up and take a picture.
There were 60 of them, which used to be a month worth of basal rate if you will (14 units of levimir in the morning, and 16 at night).
There is no cure for diabetes…
Yet!
Top Secret Tuesday: Klondike Bar
Ok, I know it’s not Tuesday, Tuesday was yesterday, but I saw this question last night and just didn’t get a chance to write about it so it still qualifies as a Top Secret Tuesday post. What is Top Secret Tuesday? It’s this thing I started on my primary blog, Traveling Thoughts. Every Tuesday I post something that my readers don’t know about me. If my readers don’t know it, it’s practically a secret. When it comes to my diabetes there’s all kinds of secrets, some of which have been revealed in my work: Confessions Of A Type 1 Diabetic.
The question was in a new devotional that I picked up “Burn This Book, Ignite A New Life With God” and I was flipping through it and one of the days was labeled:
“What would you do for a klondike bar?”
It was the easiest question the book probably had in it, in terms of me being able to answer it, and that might seem silly, I mean when’s the last time you had a Klondike Bar? It’s been a long while for me.
This question was so simple that I blurted out “I’ll just steal it from the freezer”. That’s just what I did when I was 13. I had gone to visit my father in CA and we had gone to our good friend’s house J & D we’ll call them. They always had Klondike Bars in the freezer. One night everyone was eating Klondike Bars while I got to eat a sugar free popsicle. I was so far from thrilled. 5 people eating Klondike Bars and a Courtney eating a popsicle.
I didn’t let on that I wasn’t impressed. I finished my popsicle and plotted my plan to get my hands on a Klondike Bar. Later in the evening when everyone was outside, I slipped back into the house and stole the Klondike Bar from the freezer. I creeped into the bathroom and began to pig out.
I got through like half the bar before people came looking for me. I told my father that I had diarrhea and that I’d be out when I was done. I finished my bar, put the wrapper in a kleenex, and put the trash in the bottom bathroom drawer. It was the guest bathroom and that drawer was never used. I was sure that the wrapper was safe there. I flushed the toilet and went outside like I was just fine.
The next morning Father gets a call from J & D, they discovered that the last Klondike Bar was missing. I get called to his room to discuss this and I’m sitting on his bed adamant that I didn’t eat it. For like an hour I got grilled. I knew I had eaten it, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. I wasn’t supposed to have eaten it, but everyone else got one, but everyone else didn’t have diabetes. I got the sugar free popsicle. There was only one left and it had disappeared and while I hadn’t spent a terribly long time in the bathroom, I was gone long enough for them to know that I was up to something. They all knew full well that I had eaten the Klondike Bar, I’m sure of it, but I wasn’t going to admit to it.
When I came home from my summer vacation it was one of the first talks mom had with me. And I was crying as I told her that I had eaten it, but I should’ve gotten one anyways, everyone else had one. I got into some trouble I think, I don’t remember how much but I’m sure there was trouble on the homefront.
So, I stole my Klondike Bar from the freezer, what would you do for a Klondike Bar?
The Signs Aren’t Always Clear - Diabetes 365 Day 123 - February 05, 2008
When I saw the snow on the stop sign, it made me think about how the signs of my blood sugars aren’t so clear.
Of all the signs that accompany my blood sugars, the sign of a low are the ones that I have the most trouble with. After my blood sugars being so out of control for so long and often having too many lows, I had become immune to the signs of a low, and now they are slowly coming back, but they’re not always clear.
There is no cure for diabetes…
Yet!
Medic Alert Jewelery…Worth It?
I have a problem wearing the medic alert jewelery, I had one bracelet from the time I was diagnosed in 1992 until last year. I wore it all the time up until it broke for the first time. One of the little rings opened up and the bracelet disappeared for a few days this was perhaps 5 years after I got the bracelet. After that it was hit or miss on whether or not I was wearing my bracelet, too many times the little loop things would crack open and the bracelet would come off, or it’d catch on something; and in my general opinion it was ugly and pointless to be wearing.
Whether or not it would’ve done something in an emergency situation is something I don’t know because in the one emergency situation I’ve been in, I wasn’t wearing my bracelet (it was safely stored in my jewelery box so that it didn’t get lost, it had been there for a couple years at this point). I had passed out while driving because my blood sugar had gone low. I don’t remember anything, I remember where I got in the car and started driving, and where I awoke with an IV in my arm and the paramedics trying to talk to me, but I remember nothing in between. They had only known I was diabetic because my blood glucose machine was sitting on the passenger’s seat next to me. Had they checked for a bracelet or a necklace, I didn’t know. (And I didn’t think to ask, but I did think to ask if they were in the local half neekid good lookin firefighter calendar, it was that question that let them know that I was ok).
So, why does this come to the forefront of my mind. Well, it entered my mind back in December when I lost my dog tags. I pretty much refuse to wear the bracelet because I think it’s ugly and I don’t want some frou-frou bracelet on my wrist, that’s not who I am. Nor am I the type that wants to run around with the sports band on my wrist either. I like to be free of everything on my wrist with the exception of the occasional watch. So my dog tags were lost and I had no choice but to wear my sports band (which is for when I’m participating in sports, like cycling, as the name so says). I was not a happy camper, people can see it, and then they ask questions, and quite frankly, I don’t want to be answering questions for why I’m wearing a medic alert bracelet. I like to hide it, because you know what, I’m a normal person and what causes me to wear the damn identifier for the paramedics isn’t anybody’s business.
But mom went on to tell me how my dog tag needed to be like my insulin pump, that it needed to be worn at all times except for when I’m showering, at which point I had a fit because I’m fairly sure the damn thing will strangle me in the middle of the night so I don’t wear it when I sleep. I won that battle, with my history of seizures there’s no telling what dog tags around my neck would do to me in the middle of the night as I’m flopping around on the ground like a fish out of water.
During the time my dog tags were missing, I wore my sports band, but boy was I glad when the dog tags resurfaced. I ran into another problem the other day though, something about having to dress up for work, my shirt being a v-neck so the dog tags were visible and it was tacky to wear them, but it was just as tacky to wear the sports band. I had to ponder, am I going to have to get a nice bracelet just for occasions like this? That’s how much I hate the bracelets, I’m not a bracelet kindof girl to begin with, and they’re not designed to just lay flat and unnoticeable, you can feel it as it moves up and down your arm and spins around the wrist and it’s a general annoyance.
So, the question is this, if I’m passed out and alone like in my car, and there’s no one to tell the paramedics that I’m diabetic isn’t one of the first things they have to do is check my blood? And realistically, am I going to need a paramedic if I’m not passed out, now I realize that if I’m in an accident and something happens and I get taken to the hospital there might be a need for them to know that I’m a diabetic, but I do have my insulin pump on at all times (assuming it doesn’t get severed from me in some horrible accident) and the chances of them going through my wallet to see who I am are strong, or even opening my glove box, I have my medic alert card with my car insurance stuff as well as in my wallet. Based on all this information, if I’m going to dress nicely to go somewhere (which happens like twice a year) do I need to have my medic alert bracelet on me?
Stopped Receiving/Sending Signals - Diabetes 365 Day 122 - February 04, 2008
We joke at work sometimes about my dead pancreas. This week it was how my pancreas wasn't sending or receiving signals. It resulted in this picture. His antennas are broken. I found it amusing. This picture still resides on my white board at work.
Are You Low?
I’m out in the kitchen grabbing a cup from the cupboard this morning. I’m never in the kitchen on work mornings before I’m dressed at a minimum and if I’m in the kitchen on work mornings after I’m dressed it’s to grab my lunch kit from the fridge. I usually never am out there grabbing a cup from the cupboard on work mornings. Because of this, mom asks “are you low?” I answer honestly because I know she’s doing this for her safety: “yes” and as I walk to the fridge to grab juice she says “ok, I won’t talk to you then.” I get the juice from the fridge and mutter something about being “48″.
I feel bad for my mom sometimes, there’s been a history of her saying or asking the wrong thing when I’m low and her getting her head bit off. It’s not purposely done, I’m just more prone to senselessly causing an arguement/attacking when I’m low.
So now if I’m in the kitchen when I wouldn’t normally be, doing something other than getting a bottle of water she asks that question. And 95% of the time she’s on the ball by asking that question. It’s better for her to ask that than for me to be talking to her and out of the blue cop an attitude or get upset or angry over something and her having me yell at her for no good reason and then me having to apologize for my actions (which I hate doing, phf, apologize *rolls eyes*)
Making the Sugar Free Sweet Again - Diabetes 365 Day 121 - February 03, 2008
I’m really bothered sometimes by the fact that we’re still loosing flavor with some of the “sugar free” or “reduced sugar” foods.
It’s as thought the manufacturers can’t add a substitute to it to make it sweet. so we have to do so ourselves. The other thing is, why do we go for the “sugar free” or “reduced sugar” food if we’re only saving ourselves a few carbs. I spent a lot of time thinking about this, and finally decided that it just isn’t worth it.
That and, if the “sugar free” foods have almost the same amount of carbs (within one or two carbs) as the sugar full foods, what is it that makes that food special. It seems to me that it would do the food manufacturers some good to find out that there’s more to “sugar free” than just taking the sugar out, and perhaps if they could lessen the carbs by like half and keep the flavor it might be worth the effort for me to go out of my way to make sure I’m not eating “regular” foods.
I’m done ranting now, it was just something to think about.
Social Networking For Diabetics
Before I delved into this entry, I had to do some researching to discover what the scope of social networking is, and I must say that I’m still not sure what exactly it is. It seems to me that the internet in it’s entirety is a space for social networking: blogs, forums, chat rooms, mySpace, FaceBook, we all connect and link up via these venues and so many more.
I myself have avoided mySpace since the beginning. FaceBook I registered for at some point early in my college years but I rarely visit and if I want to talk to anyone I just email them, so there’s really no networking going on there. Twitter, I got into that back in Nov, but it’s lost it’s glamour and pisses me off more days than it does anything else, the networking has basically stopped.
Diabetes wise, I read many diabetes blogs and have begun to network with the authors, I’m involved in the Diabetes 365 project on Flickr, and I’m a member of Diabetes Daily and TuDiabetes and now there’s the most recent Diabetes social networking site DiabetesFriends.net that I’ve joined.
Quite frankly, all the diabetes social networking that I’m now doing is new to me. The reading of the blogs, the forums, etc, I avoided it for a long time, it had something to do with ignoring the fact I had diabetes, something about denial. *shakes head* Regardless, the only thing I now keep up on is the blogs that I read, and I’m picky about those, I have the ones I do read in my RSS feeder so I’m sure to not miss anything and I keep up with what’s going on and then there’s the ones that I’ll occasionally visit. But, beyond the blogs I read, and the looking at photos almost daily in the Diabetes 365 project on Flickr, I’ve withdrawn from the communities.
I took a look at and joined Diabetes Friends because it popped up on Kerri’s blog (sixuntilme) and then later on Amy’s blog (DiabetesMine).
So, what are my initial thoughts. Well, there’s the fact that I’m a little overwhelmed by the number of sites that are slightly different but all pretty much the same as far as diabetes “social networking” sites are concerned. I’ve got to dig through them and find out which one bests meets my needs so that I can stick with one and save myself from having to worry about posting on multiple sites. I’m sure my questions will get answered on any of the sites, the real question is, what site will offer the most resources (people and knowledge) and where will my questions get answered the quickest with the best answer. Site design also falls into the group of data on where to rank a site because I have a problem with sites that are impossible to get around or you have to dig through too many layers to get to where you want to go.
Diabetes Friends is a new site, I’ll give it that much, there’s not much too it and thus it is easy to get around, as of today they’ve started forums, but I kindof feel as though that may have been a moot point because my thinking is that people aren’t going to move from their current favorite place over to Diabetes Friends.
They’ve also asked us about a Diabetes Wiki as well as chat rooms, and at this I really think that they’re trying to do something that’s already been done, because it exists out there and it makes me wonder, why are they doing something that’s already been done instead of working on something new that would attract diabetes and build a community unlike the ones that already exist (not that I have any ideas on how to do this, I’m just saying).
All the sites, DiabetesDaily, TuDiabetes, and DiabetesFriends gives us the ability to blog directly on the sites, while this can be a useful feature many of the members have blogs of their own on other sites, i.e. blogger, wordpress, or a personal site. What would be useful is if our blog feed could be partially imported to the D sites that we’re part of, kindof in a scraper fashion where it gives part of the entry, the entry title and then says “more at blah” where blah is our site and then it links to our original entry. This would be useful because it would bring more traffic to our individual sites and cause a greater degree of networking among us D peeps. Now that would be a useful feature.
I’ll stick around DiabetesFriends for a while and see what becomes of it, because as right now I have no loyalty to any of the communities. I guess if I’m going to get on the networking bandwagon I to keep an eye on these sites and see what it is that attracts me to them and how the community interacts with each other and whatnot.
I’ll give a better in depth review as I get more information and can give a better opinion about these sites.
Seized
I don’t exactly know what it feels like to have a seizure. It’s something that I only feel the residual effects of. I was a sophomore in college the first time I had a seizure. I can remember my first seizure well, I was a sophomore in college, it was spring 2002. It was the middle of the night (as it always is when I have seizures), apparently I was moaning like a wounded animal (so my parents say, I wasn’t exactly aware of what was going on so we’ll just have to stick with what my parents have told me). I woke up my sister who is in the room next to me. She was heading out of her room as Dad was running out of his room into mine. I had fallen out of my bed and I was flopping around on the ground like a fish out of water.
This was all new territory for them. This had never happened before, in fact, I don’t think we had ever been told about what to do if I had a seizure. This being my first seizure, Dad held me down while mom in a panic checked my blood. I was low, somewhere in 40s (as would later become a pattern). Having never dealt with a seizure induced by a low blood sugar and being in a complete panic, my parents completely forgot about the glucagon shots that we had (and had never had to use in my 10 years of being a diabetic).
They tried with all their might to get juice into me (because being a responsible diabetic (read: sarcasm) there were no other “treat this low quick” supplies in the house.) They fought with me for quite some time as I was still writhering on the floor and Dad was holding me down and trying to get my clinched jaw open so that mom could get the juice into me.
I vaguely remember Dad putting me back into bed. Mom trying to force me to eat peanut butter crackers and before they left, them telling me that I needed to check my blood and me sticking my finger out to be pricked.
What I do clearly remember is the next morning. I woke up intent on going to school because I had to give a speech in my public speaking class. The problem was, I could barely speak because my jaw felt like it had been clamped together in vice grips all night long and that I had been fighting them to get my mouth open. Every muscle in my body ached and I had a headache that was a force that wasn’t to be reckoned with.
Mom explained to me what had happened (because I was clueless other than the pain I was feeling) as I ran around in a panic because not only did I have a speech to give, with a mouth that could barely move, I had to shower (which I had already done the night before in preparation for the speech in an attempt to prevent this type of panic). I had to shower because in the midst of my seizure I broke out into a severe cold sweat that had caused my head to be soaked and the next morning there was just no making it look better without a shower.
To add to my panic, Mom didn’t want me going to school. The prior night had been a near death experience and I needed to stay home and recuperate (and go to the doctor for that matter). Why I decided to fight her on staying home is beyond me (what college student wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to stay home?) I went to school and gave my speech and it turned out to be fairly pathetic, I would’ve done better off staying at home, but that’s besides the point.
How we found out that I had a seizure I don’t know, and how my parents found out that I needed a glucagon shot I don’t know that either. I’ll attribute it all to a phone call to the doctor that I clearly don’t remember. Whatever it was that told my parents how to respond to my to my sick animal moaning flopping on the ground like a fish out of water incidents. It was going to help in the years to come.