I was thinking the other night, of the 5 w’s, why is the hardest to answer. The who, what, when and where, those are easy, but we can’t always answer the why. It’s the most elusive of them w’s; maybe that’s why it comes last in the order of the w’s. At a crime scene it’s the motivation for the death. It’s the backstory behind whatever has happened. It’s the reasoning that took you from point A to point B. It’s the most interesting part of the story, but also the most guarded.
Mom got this box of questions that are like, i dunno, topic starters if you will, something to get people talking at the dinner table. There were a few in there that really hit home for me because of my answers. The one that I’m going to share today is “If you could ask God one question, what would you ask?”
At first I responded “Why did I get diabetes?” Because that’s the biggest thing I want to know, but then I thought about it, “Wait, I can ask him anything?” Everyone rolls their eyes, “Yes, Courtney, Anything!” I rethought a moment, “Then why I got it doesn’t matter, I have it, a better question would be, ‘Why won’t He give us a cure?’”
Both my questions were “why” questions. Questions that I most likely won’t ever have the answers too. But the why’s came up again the other night in the book I’m reading “Burn This Book, Ignite A New Life With God” the question was posed: “what is one thing you constantly ask God why about?”
I may never know the answers to these “why” questions. But they’re the ones I ask the most, it used to be why I got diabetes that was asked the most and now that just doesn’t seem to matter why I got, now it’s why is there no cure, because a cure is what I want the most.
Of course, I can give you the who what when and where. I can even give you a why, but i can’t explain the why to the why (are you lost yet?)
who: courtney (me)
when: june 1992 (no one seems to know the exact date)
where: long beach memorial hospital, long beach CA
why: the damn pancreas stopped working (this is what no body has the why answer to, why did it stop working)
Anyways, this was just one of my many thoughts over the weekend and it was further thought upon when these questions were posed to me in different situations, and then there’s the Jars of Clay line from their song Unforgetful You: “I just wanted to know why oh why”
Not knowing the why just doesn’t sit well with me most days, but it’s not like wondering why is helping me either…