Finally An Athlete
I can remember when I’d sit and cry because I wasn’t an athlete, because I wasn’t out on a field running bases, or in a pool swimming laps, or skating around chasing a puck across ice. I can remember when I used to be so angry at my diabetes because I couldn’t participate in gym class or go out and participate in whatever sport-ish activities were going on around the block because of the fear of my blood sugars going low. I was so mad because I wasn’t going to grow up to be an athlete, there would be no athletic scholarships to college, sports would not be an extra-curricular activity on my college applications, my picture wouldn’t be in the year book among teammates. Back then it was quite disturbing, now it’s only slightly disturbing (although if I could go back and change things I would fight for my right to participate in the various sports, but that’s not the point of this story).
So, last spring (almost a year ago now) I started riding, and for the first ride I trained vigorously (and that had to be done because I hadn’t really regularly ridden a bike in years, it was always a ride here or a ride there, here a ride, there a ride, everywhere a ride ride, little ms courtney had a bike, e.i.e.i.o…sorry, totally broke out in song there) so I trained vigorously, drove to CA with my bike on the roof of my car (and Robbie’s bike but he’s not crucial to this story) and I rode and the bike went back on the roof of my car (a week later) but I did that twice over, and it was like I was going to away games, but they were close to home right, I was just traveling to another city if I were still in high school (but since I’m not in high school I get to go to other states, like in college I guess).
But now, this time, I was playing with the big boys, right, I’m like a professional football player traveling to different states and cities (yes, I’m aware I already do that, but just follow along, will yah?) And people don’t know me but they talk to me because I got something worth talking about, I’m traveling with gear and I have a duffel over my shoulder and my backpack on my back. Now, I’m an athlete.
It’s amazing what a big black case can do, people were asking me questions, what’s in the case, how much does it weigh, why did you travel with your bike, do you do this often…that was exciting.
And there were even people that I got onto planes with that were asking where I was going and what I was doing and whatnot, and I got to tell them about my rides, and there was this one guy from Ft Worth to Orlando that talked to me about cycling the whole ride and how he wants to ride in a century some hotter than hell ride. I just thought that it was really cool because it was like I was sitting there talking with him about our past “games” the upcoming “games” what “team” we’d like to go play for next, that kind of stuff. Like, real athlete stuff.
So, I cycle and I enjoy it. I am an athlete. (traveling is just an added bonus)
For 15 years there wasn’t much sports in my life, and last year when I started cycling, I didn’t think of myself as an athlete, I was just kindof a kid with a whim. I was thinking big, of how I’d like to cycle in every state, and as I traveled to three different states last year to ride (CA, CO, TX), I still didn’t think of myself as an athlete, but this year, I decided I was an athlete.
It all began with the bike case going on the plane, and instead of a suitcase, a duffel bag. This is really something that goes back to high school, where all the athletes would go away from home to play games or compete in competitions and all their gear would be in a special bag, and then all their clothes would be in a duffel, that’s just the way it was. There were no rolling suitcases or anything, just duffels on one shoulder and their gear on their other shoulder. And occasionally, their backpacks with all their school work that had to be done before they returned on their backpack. That was the image of the athletes that I remember in high school (the image outside of game time).
I Gotta Pee
“I gotta pee” those were probably the most mentioned words during my trip to FL this past weekend. I had water running through me as though I was in DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis). The problem with the thought of me being in DKA was that my blood sugars were normal, I had 1 high blood sugar and that’s because the sugar that proceeded it was a low and I ate a cinnamon bun and didn’t take any insulin for it (I didn’t have time to fight with lows, I had things to do). [I will note that it's possible that I was spilling ketones the entire weekend but I can't be sure because I kindof forgot the ketone strips and couldn't check. I will also note that I did have small ketones when I got home last night and when I woke up this morning.]
If you know me at all, you know that I have huge problems with restrooms, particularly, public restrooms, or restrooms that maybe aren’t so public but are shared with people I don’t know. If you’re not familiar with this, you can do some side reading over on my other blog, Traveling Thoughts that will explain my problem with restrooms in detail. So, if you’re up to speed with my problem with restrooms you can understand the problem that then presented itself while I was at Disney World.
It all started when I couldn’t quench my thirst, I was walking around Disney World with my 3 liter reservoir in my camel back and the spiket in my mouth like it was an IV in my arm. Once to twice and hour I was saying “I gotta pee”. When I ran out of water, which happened twice during my day at Disney World (all 13 hours of it) it became imperative that I got more, the sun might as well have fallen from the sky. Because just as much as we need the sun, I needed water and I wouldn’t fill up at a water fountain either, I had to have bottled water (it tasted far better than that FL stuff, which wasn’t that bad, as the water in CA is far worse, but it still wasn’t that good either.) It takes 3 regular size bottles of Dasani to fill my reservoir. And I didn’t care that it was costing me $2 a bottle to fill it up. It was one of those things that just had to be done.
Getting water had to be done the same way me giving up my fear of toilets had to be done. 9 out of 10 times I had to go to the bathroom so badly that I was doing the potty dance while I was grabbing ass gaskets and trying to drop my shorts. Those same 9 out of 10 times my pants weren’t even unzipped as they came down and i leaned over the toilet (it wasn’t even a full hover) to pee because I had to go so badly. It’s not like I could hold it, normally, I’m really good at holding it, I can go the whole day if I have to simply because I refuse to use the toilets at work the majority of the time. But no, not this time, there was no holding it (not that I could’ve held it for 14 hours to begin with) but seriously, once or twice an hour, that’s a lot of peeing going on. It just wasn’t normal.
I am proud to say however that I avoided the porta potty the day of my ride (although it was a toss up as to whether or not I was going to make it back to the starting point without having to dodge into the trees for a moment). The porta potty was the true test I told myself, I said, nothing’s wrong if you don’t have to use the porta potty, but if you do have to use one there’s definitely something wrong.
I didn’t have to use the porta potty, therefore nothing is wrong 
Face Lift
Dear Reader:
I’ve got a handful of regular readers out there and you might be one of them. You might be new, if so, welcome No matter what kind of reader you are, I need your help. Ride to Remedy received a face lift last night, I launched a new design that is easier for me to maintain and will make me excited when I have to change something simply because of the simplicity of it. There are still some things missing, some things that I would like to put into place, and there might be some bugs.
This is where I need your help, as a reader, I’d like to see you involved in what goes on here to a certain degree. Even though this website exists as an outlet for me, it also exists so that you can read what’s going on with me, my diabetes, my cycling, what rides I’m riding in, etc.
If there’s a feature that you’d like to see, please leave a comment and I’ll take it into consideration.
If there’s a feature that previously existed and now doesn’t, please leave a comment and I’ll put it back.
There are a few features that I need to bring back, one of them being the map of my past rides. I am also aware that I need to fix the comment box, although, even if it doesn’t look too great and it’s a little small, it works (I think).
I’m open to constructive criticism, I will read and take into consideration all that is said.
I hope that you’ll take a moment to help me out
Thanks,
Courtney
Four The Diabetics
In just a mere 10 days I’ll be riding in my fourth Tour de Cure ride. I originally signed up at the beginning of November for this ride in Orlando, FL. It was only days after my Ft. Worth, TX ride that I committed to the FL ride. Sadly, as the holiday’s drew near, it became apparent that I most likely wasn’t going to be able to ride. I had to have a minor surgery and the healing time was going to put me at about the same date as the ride.
Luckily for me, I healed much quicker than expected (praise the Lord) and am able to ride. But amongst the thought that I wasn’t going to be riding, I never put together my ride page. I kindof have a theme going, and since I’m riding, I needed to write a blurb. The theme runs along the lines of what Janet Evonovich has done with her Stephanie Plum books where each book is numbered and they run in sequential order. It dawned on me today that I was doing the same thing with my rides.
So without further ado, here’s what I had to say:
Less than a year ago I made a change in my life that was going to impact that which had impacted my life at a young age. After 15 years of battling diabetes, the disease that had controlled and changed my life, I was going to control and change it. What began as a goal to ride in one ride to show that I was ready to be in control of my diabetes quickly expanded.
When I was finished with the Tour de Cure in Long Beach, CA, I knew that one ride wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to fulfill my craving of being an athlete, it wasn’t enough just to show once that I could take care of and control my diabetes, it wasn’t enough to bring a cure to the disease. It was only hours after my first ride that I decided that I would be riding in a Tour de Cure in every state.
The Orlando, FL Tour de Cure is my first Tour de Cure event for 2008, but it is my fourth ride in meeting my personal goal. Although my personal goals are secondary to the primary reason I ride - for the cure to diabetes - I consider them an important part of fighting this atrocious disease.
I ride for myself, for my family members with diabetes, for all my friends with diabetes, for those with diabetes that I don’t know, and for those that will be saved from the torment of diabetes when a cure is found. And I will continue to ride until that cure is found, whether it be before I’ve ridden in all 50 states or long afterwards.
Top Secret Tuesday: Sprite and Mothers Circus Animal Cookies
I was in the 9th grade the year I decided that my staple food was going to be Sprite and those frosted animal cookies with sprinkles (Mothers Circus Animal Cookies). I had gone from 5th grade to 9th grade packing my lunch, consisting of either peanut butter and jelly and chips or a meat sammich with fruit. I was fed up with that kind of lunch.
I was smart enough that I was getting paid to do other student’s homework and with the profit that I was making (as it was all profit), I afforded the best money can buy. Ok, maybe it wasn’t the best, but it was what I was happy to be eating day in and day out. Every day at lunch time I would head to the vending machines, get me a sprite (no vending machine serves diet sprite, or sprite zero so I drank the regular stuff) and then I would get me a bag of Mothers Circus Animal Cookies (they’re some of my favorite cookies). I would be very bummed if the machines were out of sprite or out of the cookies (that meant that I had to go get some “normal” cafeteria lunch).
I’m not quite sure how I managed to do this because every day before lunch I was in the nurses office to check my blood, and I don’t recall if I was taking a shot before I ate or if I was doing it after I ate, because my meter was stored in the nurses office, so the logistics of how I survived my 9th grade year on sprite and frosted sprinkled animal cookies is beyond me.
I just wanted to know why oh why
I was thinking the other night, of the 5 w’s, why is the hardest to answer. The who, what, when and where, those are easy, but we can’t always answer the why. It’s the most elusive of them w’s; maybe that’s why it comes last in the order of the w’s. At a crime scene it’s the motivation for the death. It’s the backstory behind whatever has happened. It’s the reasoning that took you from point A to point B. It’s the most interesting part of the story, but also the most guarded.
Mom got this box of questions that are like, i dunno, topic starters if you will, something to get people talking at the dinner table. There were a few in there that really hit home for me because of my answers. The one that I’m going to share today is “If you could ask God one question, what would you ask?”
At first I responded “Why did I get diabetes?” Because that’s the biggest thing I want to know, but then I thought about it, “Wait, I can ask him anything?” Everyone rolls their eyes, “Yes, Courtney, Anything!” I rethought a moment, “Then why I got it doesn’t matter, I have it, a better question would be, ‘Why won’t He give us a cure?’”
Both my questions were “why” questions. Questions that I most likely won’t ever have the answers too. But the why’s came up again the other night in the book I’m reading “Burn This Book, Ignite A New Life With God” the question was posed: “what is one thing you constantly ask God why about?”
I may never know the answers to these “why” questions. But they’re the ones I ask the most, it used to be why I got diabetes that was asked the most and now that just doesn’t seem to matter why I got, now it’s why is there no cure, because a cure is what I want the most.
Of course, I can give you the who what when and where. I can even give you a why, but i can’t explain the why to the why (are you lost yet?)
who: courtney (me)
what: diabetes
when: june 1992 (no one seems to know the exact date)
where: long beach memorial hospital, long beach CA
why: the damn pancreas stopped working (this is what no body has the why answer to, why did it stop working)
Anyways, this was just one of my many thoughts over the weekend and it was further thought upon when these questions were posed to me in different situations, and then there’s the Jars of Clay line from their song Unforgetful You: “I just wanted to know why oh why”
Not knowing the why just doesn’t sit well with me most days, but it’s not like wondering why is helping me either…
Back In The Saddle
It’s been almost 4 months to the day since I was last on a bicycle. There’s 14 days till me next official ride. I can say right now that I’m not in the best of shape for it, can I ride the 22 miles, yeah, I can, but not at the speed that I’d like to. But that doesn’t matter does it, what matters is that I’m going to ride and I’m going to complete it, even if it does take me 2 hours at 12mph.
It was a beautiful 58 degrees F out in Albuquerque, NM today and I was determined to go for a ride, so was everyone else. Weather in Albuquerque has been nasty since November (and that’s nasty for us, not nasty compared to like some state up north who’s high is like 3 degrees F on a good day). Since it was sunny and warm (shorts weather) and there was only a slight breeze, everyone decided that a trip to the trail head was in order. It was so packed that finding a place to park was impossible unless you waited around at least a half hour for people to leave so that you could zip into their spot before someone else did.
I waited my 30 minutes, parked and got on my bike. I knew full well that I should’ve taken it easier than I did when I zipped off out of the parking lot and onto the trail, but I was just so excited to be back in the saddle again. For 4 miles, I rode at just a little above 16 mph, I was so proud of this speed, but then my lungs started to burn and my muscles in my legs started burning and if I hadn’t been clipped into my pedals, I would’ve been kicking myself for not taking it easier. At the end of that four miles I had pushed myself so hard that I thought I was going to vomit.
On my way back I was far slower than on my way to the 4 mile mark. I was just plain worn out. I hadn’t bothered to check my blood because 20 minutes prior I had dumped a cheetahbar into my belly and a box of juice (yes, I started riding while I was low, a big no-no, but I need to ride).
When I got back to my car, my blood sugar was 148 and it turns out that my piddly ride wasn’t as bad as I thought. I went 8.5 miles in 39 min 59 seconds at an average pace of 12.8 mph (which is about where I left off last year when I stopped riding, maybe even a smidgen faster), I had a max speed of 21.8 mph.
I may not be in prime shape for my ride in the Orlando, FL Tour de Cure, but I will be able to ride, and that’s all that matters.
Ooooh, look, a new toy - Diabetes 365 Day 127 - February 09, 2008
This is Princess Paisley, the newest addition to our household, we’ve had her for almost 2 weeks now and she is quite the busy body.
Today I was taking pictures of her playing with her toys and she comes over to me and grabs my tubing for my pump, having had the camera in my hand, I took a picture before reprimanding her.
I’ve had cats shred the tubing, but I’ve never had a dog worry about, guess I gotta keep an eye on my pump when she’s roaming around.
I Can Only Do So Much
I’ve been more than frustrated with my diabetes as of late. But in all reality, how is that different than the last 16 years that I’ve been frustrated with my diabetes? It’s really not. The thing about it now, is that I’ve realized something, I’m having trouble getting over my anger at the Lord for letting me get diabetes.
I realize that He didn’t give it to me, because He’s not in the business of dishing out bad stuff. But He is in the business of letting things happen, and He let diabetes happen to me. And I realize that everything happens for a reason and that everything works for the good if we believe in Him, but forgive me if I’m wrong, but I’m having trouble finding the good in diabetes.
The latest frustration is this, I can check my blood 10 times a day, I can eat 3 meals at 60 carbs a piece, 3 snacks at 15-30 carbs a piece, make sure that I’m counting out my carbs exactly, dose to the exact tenth of a unit, make sure my site is good so there’s nothing out of order going on, make sure I’m not stressed and that I’m getting exercise, and yet for some reason, that’s not a good enough reason for my sugars to be in range. Sometimes, they will spike, or for no good reason, they’ll go low. They’ll teeter totter and balance is only carefully obtained and never easy to keep.
I can only do so much. I can only do what’s been determined as what it takes to take good care of myself. Check the blood, bolus when I’m eating, fast if I need to tell that the basal is correct, exercise, get plenty of sleep. But it’s as though it’s not enough, go ahead and put me in a box, and make sure nothing in my outside environment deviates, and I promise you, there will be anomalies in my sugars.
While everything is going well with my diabetes I’m not angry at God, in fact, I’m thankful, but all it takes is one stupid little thing to go awry and I’m reminded that I was angry for a reason and I get angry again. It’s so hard to stay not angry when I’m constantly reminded that I have a reason to be angry. Call it the thorn in my side.
Maybe it’s too much to ask that I be cured because after almost 16 years, no cure has arrived, so maybe that’s asking to much, but is it too much to ask that when I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do and then a little more that my diabetes behaves as it theoretically should? Like I said, I can only do so much and I could use a lot of help with everything else.
Safe At Night - Diabetes 365 Day 126 - February 08, 2008
A few years back when I started having seizures I was forbidden to have a bedside table any longer because it was a hazard to my head should I have a seizure.
For many years I’ve had my machine and juice and glucose tabs on my desk across the room from my bed and in the middle of the night if I woke up feeling low I had to get up and get to my desk.
I recently moved my bed to next to the window seat so that I could put my machine and the supplies to treat my blood sugars near to me so that I didn’t have to worry about getting up and getting to my desk.
It also makes it so that the danger of a bedside table doesn’t exist.