I don’t sneak it
I don’t know how it came about, but a couple days ago mom said something about me sneaking food, it really just pissed me off, what am I, 13 again. I yelled at her, I don’t sneak it, I straight up just eat it.
I eat a lot lately, it’s like the normal foods aren’t good enough, I need the sweets, I crave the sweets, I HAVE TO HAVE THE SWEETS! It’s been really bad the last couple of weeks. I ate a whole bag (3oz) of Knott’s Berry Farm Shortbread cookies today, the ones with the strawberry filling in them…they were so good. That was a couple hours after I ate this new flavor of Snicker’s bar, some peanut butter something or other.
I just can’t stop myself, it’s like when I tried to stop drinking the first time, the longer I went without a drink, the more I wanted one, until I finally caved and then I binged, the thing about it is, I don’t think that I’ve been withholding sweets from myself.
I don’t know what it is, I’m not hungry, I just want to eat, and yogurt or fruit isn’t good enough. I look forward to those 2 hour blood checks because that means I can eat something again. I HATE THOSE 2 HOUR BLOOD CHECKS NORMALLY! I LOATHE THEM! I WHINE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT HAVING TO DO THEM! But not lately, lately I watch the clock, counting down the minutes till I can check my blood, I’m sad when it’s only been 45 minutes or so, I’ll be like, *sigh* 1.15 hours to go until I can eat again. I actually say that, x number of hours until I can eat again…who says that kind of thing?
I went to mom tonight and told her that I had an eating problem and I withheld just how bad of an eating problem I have, I just told her about the cookies and not the snicker’s bar. She told me I needed to eat healthy snacks and stay away from the sweets. I told her I NEED the sweets, that one every now and then isn’t good enough. I hate that there’s normally no sweets in this house, although lately, there’s been the bowl of m&ms and it royally pisses me off that I have to practice self control and not eat them and maybe that’s where this whole thing spawned, because I wasn’t eating them at home, so I’d go eat sweets while I’m at work or at the movie theatres, is that sneaking it?
I have an eating problem lately…the good news is, I’m taking enough insulin to cover all that food, the bad news, not only am I gaining weight because of the food, I have to deal with a little extra weight gain because of the extra insulin being pumped into my system…insulin can cause all kinds of weight problems and I don’t want them (that may be an exaggeration, btw)
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January 25th, 2008 at 12:43 am
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January 25th, 2008 at 5:06 am
[...] I have to deal with a little extra weight gain because of the extra …article continues at Courtney brought to you by diet.medtrials.info and [...]
March 28th, 2008 at 8:43 am
[...] One Bite Posted Under: General Rambling | I’ve written about it before, how I have an eating problem, the problem seems to be exponentially larger when I try to eat healthy and steer away from the [...]