You can tell that when my blog is suffering (lacking new entries) that life in general is most likely suffering. I’ve been consumed in the last month and a half, I was consumed by work in December, working long hours and working hard to get stuff done. My diabetes suffered during that time because I’d refuse to pull myself away from whatever I was doing in order to check my blood or push the buttons on my pump so that things were taken care of. I didn’t much care, my blood sugars were high due to stress, they were high because of an infection running through my body and they were high because I didn’t care to fight with them to get them down into normal ranges.
I’ve been in an “I hate diabetes” mood for over a month now, and it’s not really changing, I begrudgingly do everything I have to do. I’ll be sitting at my desk at work unwrapping a sucker and the whole time, my head is screaming “check your blood! you need to check your blood!” several times over until I finally turn my chair, grab my poker and prick my finger.
It’s an inner war with myself, and I almost feel as though I’m giving up, which is stupid, I know that, but I’m tired of loosing the battles and I feel as though I’m fighting a war that I’m never going to win.
It just kind of pisses me off, and that’s where I’ve been lately, and that’s why there hasn’t been an entry to my blog in ages, while there has been plenty to write about, there’s been no desire, I’ve been in such a rotten mood about everything that I haven’t wanted to write. And not that that’s going to change, but I might just maybe make an effort…
And don’t say you’re sorry that I’m feeling this way, because that really just kind of pisses me off, because sometimes we all just feel this way, or maybe you don’t, but I like to think that other D peeps feel this way, it makes me feel better about it.
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