No, You Don’t Understand
99.9% of the time when people tell me they understand in reference to my diabetes, I want to strangle them. Because 99.9% of the time when people tell me they understand in reference to my diabetes, they don’t. People don’t understand diabetes if they don’t have diabetes. They just can’t understand it, because they don’t know what it takes, they don’t understand that it’s a 24/7 job for the rest of my life, they just don’t understand. They may think they understand, but they don’t.
Most of the time, when people are telling my they understand, my blood sugar is low and I’m in an argument about the evils of diabetes and how’s it ruined my life. And some idiot will spurt out “I understand” which if they’re unlucky, which half the time they are, they get told about how they don’t understand. And then 90% of the time I get told about how people understand because they’ve lived with it all their lives. What they really mean is that they’ve lived with someone who has lived with diabetes all their life, because it would be wrong of them to say that they had in reality lived with diabetes all their lives. And just because they had lived with someone that has had diabetes doesn’t put them into a position of understanding. It would be nai impossible for someone not having diabetes to fully understand diabetes. (Of course, they don’t think so.)
So, what is it they think they understand, when are those words most heard: holidays, just around dessert time when blood sugars are running high and we can’t eat the sugary goodness that’s being served up, in my case pumpkin pie on thanksgiving and tradition (this strawberry jello with whipped cream goodness that has a cookie crumb topping that probably has a real name but I don’t know what it is because for as long as I can remember I’ve been calling it tradition because it used to get made every Christmas, right up until I got diabetes and then all the sudden it stopped getting made because if it was made in a sugar free fashion it didn’t turn out.) on Christmas. When I decline dessert, because I’m a responsible diabetic, or I don’t come out for dessert and some nincompoop comes to inquire as to why and I tell them, and the response I get is “it’s ok, I understand, you can have some later” I just want to scream “NO! You don’t understand, if you’re not eating dessert it’s because you’ll have to unbutton your pants because you ate too much not because eating dessert will push you into a diabetic coma. And no, I can’t have some later because all you gluttons will have eaten it, there will be no dessert for later.” No, they don’t understand.
The last few years at birthday time I’ve gone without a cake “because you can’t eat it anyways”. Ummmm, I’m glad you think you know what’s good for me. Somewhere in the fit I’m throwing because I’d really like a cake, I’ll hear the “it’s ok courtney, I understand” oh we’re back to that again, no, you don’t understand. The birthday cake one is interesting, because it’s my mom that “understands” my mom whose lived with diabetes all her life because her 2 uncles had it, her grandmother had it and I have it. I’m trying to understand why she doesn’t get the fact that in moderation, I can eat birthday cake. I’m trying to understand why she can’t get past the fact that “sugar is bad for me”. I so badly want to strangle her when she understands. I stand there and yell at her as though it will make her understand, but it doesn’t.
Here’s what people need to understand, in my opinion of course:
1) Just because I have diabetes doesn’t mean I can’t eat sugar, we do this thing these days called counting carbs and then I take insulin based off the number of carbs I ate. Often times, the sugar free stuff has just as many carbs as the sugar-full stuff. I can eat the sugar-full stuff, it just has to be done in moderation, which, by the way, I do pretty damn well. Let me give you an example: Imagine a meal at a friends house, you’re one of about 10 people. You portion out the main and side dishes like normal and you happily eat. Dessert gets brought out later in the even, as it’s being dished up, you decline, but not quite fully decline, you ask the bestest of your friends among that group if you could just have a bite of their piece of dessert. Problem solved, the edge has been taken off my craving for the decadent dessert that was brought and yet I don’t push myself into a diabetic coma because I ate an entire piece. That’s the first thing people need to understand, I can eat sugar.
2) People need to understand that it’s not easy to decline dessert, even if I just ask for a bite and do get to taste it, it’s not easy. It’s very hard actually. Because deep down inside, I would love to be able to sit there and enjoy the dessert to the same degree that everyone else is enjoying dessert. I’m just practicing a very deep level of self-control and it’s not easy and yes, it hurts.
3) When my blood sugar is low, people need to understand that the best thing that they can do for me, is leave me be after I’m sucking down juice or eating something. The worse thing to they can do is sit there and talk to me, especially if it’s about how they understand how I’m feeling because they’re hypoglycemic. Because I have to wonder, do they really understand or are they just saying that to make me feel better. Do they understand that I can’t think straight and that half the time I can’t understand what they’re saying. Do they understand that if they say the wrong words they’re going to have a war on their hands and that I’ll probably have no clue what it was I was fighting over when my blood sugar returns to normal. I can think of exactly one person that truly understands what a diabetics low blood sugars are like. And the only reason I even venture to say that she truly understands is because when her daughter got diabetes she told the doctors she wanted to know what they felt like and the doctors injected her with a short acting insulin and her blood sugar went low. She’s about the only non-diabetic person that I’ll except the words “i understand” from when my blood sugar is low.
4) low blood sugars and adversely high blood sugars make me exhausted. I usually need a couple hour nap after experiencing a low or high blood sugar. A nap will fix my poor demeanor, it will also help me make it through the rest of the day much better than if I don’t have a nap. It’s funny for people to tell me that they understand when I’m like, I just need to go lie down, I need a short nap “It’s ok dear, I understand, we all get a little tired in the afternoon sometimes” Ummm, yeah, me getting tired isn’t a result of my age like yours is, thanks for understanding.
5) just because I’m doing well doesn’t mean it’s easy. Please people understand that. This isn’t an easy job living with diabetes, there’s so much that I have to do, and to be quite honest, I’m not a fan of doing any of it. This isn’t a get up in the morning and take your pills illness and be sure to take them before you go to bed illness, this is a 24/7 disease I have.
6) Just because you don’t see me taking care of it, doesn’t mean that I’m not. I had a grandmother that I hadn’t seen in 14 years come to visit me a couple months back. It really pissed me off when she would say things like “are you ok, are you doing ok, I haven’t seen you check your blood in a while” My diabetes is a covert operation, I don’t like to draw attention to it (unless I’m dying) I take care of it, you’ll very rarely see me check my blood or take a shot because I don’t like all that comes from people seeing me doing so, the questions and crap. Call me a closet diabetic if you will, but I’m taking care of it, and you don’t have to ask questions. It irritates me when people say “i haven’t seen you check your blood in a while”. I know when I have to check my blood and you don’t have to be on top of it. I’ve got it all under control. And the world isn’t going to fall apart if I’m with you for 4 hours and in those 4 hours I don’t check my blood. I’m allowed to not be public with my diabetes. It’s all good. I need you to understand that. I’m not the 13 year old that got pissed off and stopped taking care of my diabetes because everyone was micro managing me anymore.
These are the things people need to understand. Because right now, most of you don’t understand. And instead of me being pissed off, I’m going to help you understand. So please, make sure you understand the 6 items above. And if more issues of understanding arise, I’ll be happy to let you know what it is you need to understand. It will make both our lives easier.
5 Responses to “No, You Don’t Understand”
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You are very right. they dont understand, and like someone that wonders why their car wont run because they have not put gas in it for a week, their stupidity just grows and it is hard not to point it out to them.
ESPECIALY when blood sugars are low or high. I got the same, GET OUT OF MY FACE FOR A WHILE, attatude when I am like that. And rather dangerous when my blood sugar is low because i tend to loose my best “personality” during those times.
You are far from alone, and I hope that it helps to know. I do like this blog and like reading your blogs. Allot of the time it makes me laugh because I realize somoene else has got the balls to really be angery in this “PC” culture, fuck them.
I will have to keep these 6 great rules of realization close.
THANX!
I wish you well.
Robert
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Hi Courtney:
I read your blog, which is very informative and passionate. Being a Type 2, I have had similar situations and I can definitely relate to your experiences (did you notice that I did not say, “I understand?”). I also don’t like testing my blood sugar in front of others. While I don’t mind talking about my condition, some things are just private.
I have had to also deal with the embarassing symptom of my hands start shaking when I am experiencing a low. My wife and I were buying a car, sitting at a desk, when my hands started shaking and I started feeling bad. Our sales person had also noticed “my shakes”. It irritated me. I looked at her and explained that I was T2, that my blood sugar was low, and that I needed to take a break for lunch and that I would return in 45 minutes. When we returned, she gave me a concerned look and asked if I was ok. I choked it down and said yes.
I have struggled with answering such questions, but I am just as guilty as asking them myself. When I meet T1s and T2s for the first time, I usually ask if they are taking care of themselves. This is an area of concern for me. Call it a passion if you will. By the way, you are to be commended for your A1C, your determination, and your self control. You definitely understand.
[...] kmarson wrote an interesting post today on No, You Don’t UnderstandHere’s a quick excerptMost of the time, when people are telling my they understand, my blood sugar is low and I’m in an argument about the evils of diabetes and how’s it ruined my life. And some idiot will spurt out “I understand” which if they’re unlucky, … [...]