When Will It Stop Being An Excuse
I went and saw August Rush tonight and to say the least, it struck a chord. It made me very emotional, made me cry, and it drudged up the past. At the root of that past, my diabetes.
I guess I need to give you some history:
7th grade, I decided I wanted to be in the orchestra, I don’t remember why. I wanted to play the viola, I didn’t want to play the violin because the violin is known, the cello, known, the bass, known, but the viola, it’s like the…hrm…I can’t find a good metaphor, but when I was in 7th grade, I thoroughly thought that it wasn’t known, and the truth is, most people don’t know the difference between a viola and a violin. That was me in 7th grade.
I played viola for exactly 2 years, 7th grade and 8th grade. In the 8th grade, I decided that I wanted to be in the Albuquerque Youth Orchestra (AYO), I had my piece all picked out for tryouts, it was devil something, I don’t remember anymore. But I got deterred.
I had actually been deterred for 2 years, both years I was in orchestra, the determent started the spring of 7th grade, the band and orchestra students would go up to Glorieta for a weekend and learn and play. I didn’t get to go, the reason, my diabetes. I hated mom for it, my diabetes was holding me back. It was the same deal in 8th grade.
When I told mom I wanted to be in the AYO she was cool with it, fine go ahead, you can try out. Then I found out that I had to be active in orchestra in high school. That wasn’t in the agenda. Mom didn’t want to take me to zero hour (the hour before school started for practice, for me approx 6:30 am) Zero hour was mandatory for band/orchestra students, but that wasn’t even the biggest problem, I could’ve found a ride to school that early in the morning, no, my problem was that high school orchestra existed for one purpose, competitions. I couldn’t be in the orchestra if I couldn’t to on competitions, and I couldn’t go to competitions because of my diabetes.
My heart was broken, I was destined to be something great, I know I was. In the eighth grade when we had to write a song, I refused to write one because we were going to have to sing it, so instead, I composed a piece and recorded it. It didn’t go platinum but it was gold (yes our music was ranked).
In college, I was all for minoring in music, and that would’ve been all good except that I had to play an instrument, so after 2 classical music classes and 1 jazz class and 1 day in music theory, then I got told, you can’t minor in music if you don’t play an instrument so I don’t know why you want to sit in music theory. Nice thanks, I didn’t even explain. I dropped the class.
Diabetes was an excuse I think that my parents used, an excuse for why I couldn’t do things. So I sit here wondering, when will my diabetes stop being an excuse, when will I start fighting back for the things I want to do. Even now at age 26, after 15 years of having diabetes, I still hear, “you can’t do that”…”you’re stupid if you do that”…WHY…TELL ME WHY I’M SO DAMN LIMITED BY DIABETES??? I shouldn’t be, it shouldn’t have been an issue, I should’ve fought and I didn’t, and I realize that I can’t change the past, but I can steer the future, and God help me, if I let them tell me no anymore because of my diabetes. God help me if I spurt out one more time, “I can’t because of my diabetes” It’s been ingrained in my head, and there are things I fear and I shouldn’t and it’s because “you can’t”. I’m going to change that, I’m going to fight for my right to live a normal right, because you know what, I CAN!
3 Responses to “When Will It Stop Being An Excuse”
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Yes you can. And I belive you will.
If your down and they keep kciking you, grab a leg and bite them! Teeth are a great tool.
I have had diabetes for 37 years, probly longet, and I have lived on my own and done everything I could as much as I could, I belive you can too. becauseful of others runnign yoru life for you.
I wish you well
Robert
you can do whatever you want to do with or without diabetes. i hate that it was used as a reason for you not to do things by your parents. it changes our lives but doesn’t need to totally hold us back from our dreams.
i’ll have to see that movie!
Oh, that’s terrible. I’ve had Type 1 since I was a child, and I find that other people can be a real nuisance when it comes to letting you do things. Luckily, I had very good parents who pushed me to go outside comfort zones, but I know the feeling when other people are questioning whether you can do things because of the diabetes. I’m studying abroad in Paris now, and it took a hell of a lot of persuading people, but it’s worth every argument. If I can go for it, you can too.