No Delivery - Diabetes 365 Day 56 - Nov 30, 2007
The Medtronic Minimed pump in a way lies to us users. It will tell us that we are at zero units long before we actually get there. Actually, it doesn’t tell us it’s at zero units, it will tell us that it has a low reservoir. When it gets to zero, which for me it didn’t used to because I’d freak out and change it when it got low, it continues pumping. Because there’s extra units in there that the pump doesn’t thing are important or something.
However, since I learned that it will keep pumping even after it says "0 units" I force it to use all of them (insulin units). When the reservoir is truly empty, I get the "NO DELIVERY" message, and then I am content to change the reservoir, knowing that all the insulin I paid for and loaded got used.
There is no cure for diabetes…
Yet!
Something Good Is Coming
Yes, that’s right, I said it, something good is coming, I can’t say what it is just yet, but it’s gonna be cool. It was inspired by something on this site and it’s going to be available for public use 
Since there’s all kinds of cool stuff on this site, I’ll let you ponder on what exactly it is I’m referring to
The worse case scenario goal, to have it done be Dec 15.
The Eyes - Diabetes 365 Day 55 - Nov 29, 2007
Shortly after I got diabetes (within 6 months), I had to get glasses, I was going blind, in a very mild sense of the term. Most days you can’t tell though that I’m hard of seeing because I wear contacts, as I am in this picture.
One of the complications of diabetes is loss of sight and so it’s important for diabetics to take care of themselves and keep everything under control in order to avoid long term complications.
Of course, just because a diabetic wears glasses doesn’t mean they don’t take care of themselves, like me, they could have come from an unfortunate gene pool where eye sight was concerned.
Now a days however, mom watches my eyes for a different reason, the one on the right will tell her if I’m getting sick. The eyelid starts to droop. It sucks for me because I can’t ever hide my illnesses. It’s convenient for her because she doesn’t have to listen to me tell her "I’m fine".
There is no cure for diabetes…
Yet!
The Art of Drinking and Diabetes
I’m probably far from qualified to be talking about this given my history with both diabetes and drinking and what happens when I combined them. But I feel like writing about it, if for no other reason than I can say what shouldn’t be done, at a minimum for me, because realistically, how each of our diabetes is and how our systems handle alcohol is different for each of us.
My history with diabetes began 15 years ago. My history with alcohol begins 10 years ago. The relationship between diabetes and alcohol developed 6 years ago and boy was it rough, they eventually had to break up 2 years ago, but then they had a passing of each other 3 weeks ago and a run in with each other 4 days ago. It was the run in that got me thinking about this whole drinking and diabetes thing. Because it was the break up 2 years ago that stopped the whole drinking with diabetes thing. And there was the whole drinking and diabetes thing that almost killed me 4 years ago. It’s no understatement when I say that drinking and diabetes and me have a history.
Where do I even begin? We can ignore the drinking in high school at the friends house where we’d go after field trips because quite frankly that doesn’t count as drinking because they wouldn’t let me have more than a sip because they were afraid of the effects it would have on my diabetes which brings us to 6 years ago when people didn’t care too much about the diabetes, me or the friends.
I was 19. I was rebelling (that’s the story of my life but it’s also a story for another day). I hated my diabetes and wanted it to go away. So, I escaped it, I started drinking, but it wasn’t like a beer here or a glass of wine there, no, it became a game, me and my friends, who could consume the most alcohol and still be standing. I remember one time I had totally drank the guys under the table, one was lying on the floor, I kicked him and told him to get up because I wasn’t done drinking yet.
As far as I was concerned, I could drink hard liquor to my hearts content. I had reasoned it out. You see, the hard liquor was on the free foods list for us diabetics. No insulin necessary. Seagrams 7, free food. Bacardi, free food. Rum, free food. Vodka, free food. And vodka is among my favorites.
But there was a catch, alcohol made my blood sugars go low. So, to counter act those free foods, I had to mix my drinks with something not so free. Vodka with orange juice, i.e. screw driver. Vodka with red bull. Seagrams with 7-up. Bacardi and coke. Rum and coke. The effects of this on me, probably perfect, I don’t know though, because my diabetes was in no kind of care. So whether or not my blood sugars would’ve been normal was beyond me because they were always high, because I wasn’t taking care of my diabetes, I was neglecting it (remember, I didn’t want it anymore).
Beer, beer was a beauty of it’s own, alcohol, but liquid carbs, so for all the years I drank it, I wasn’t too concerned. I wasn’t going to go low because of the carbs and I sure as hell wasn’t going to go high because of the alcohol. I later learned, during a period when I was checking my blood and I was taking care of my diabetes, and my blood sugars were in normal range that this theory only held true if it was a lite beer, bud light, miller lite, michelob light, etc. And the truth was, I didn’t like the light beers. I think the only one I tolerated was miller lite. There was another time with beer, in which I was, once again, when I was checking my blood and I was taking care of my diabetes, and my blood sugars were in normal range, that I handled it nicely. It was normal beer, not a light beer, and with each can, that seemed to be every hour, I would check my blood and take insulin for the carbs, but I was only taking 3/4 of the amount that I needed and that seemed to have worked well.
Now wine, wine is a beast in it’s own right, one that I don’t understand at all and one that I also don’t get along with. Wine is the one alcohol that I can say I truly got drunk off of. Wine is the one alcohol that caused me to get into a fight and a chair got broken and I remember nothing, except for the pain in my ribs and the hangover that I had the next morning. I take it back, there’s one more thing I remember, or two actually, it was boxed wine, and my friend did check my blood and give me a shot before I completely passed out. That was the only time that someone has ever made sure my blood sugar was ok when I was drunk. That was a really good friend. My heart warms just thinking about her. To this day, I can’t stand the smell of wine.
So, diabetes and I, we had some good times and some bad times when it came to alcohol. The worst time was when I was 22. Diabetes and I were in a war. One night, in the middle of the week, I went to a club with a friend (and this never happens). I had a beer and a liquid marijuana. 2 drinks, I never drank that little when I went out, usually, I was getting kicked out as the bar/club was closing and I was lucky if I could see straight enough to walk to my car, and driving, well, we’ll just thank the good Lord above that I never crashed into anything or anyone. When I left the club on this night, I was very sober and feeling fine. The next morning, I wasn’t so fine. The next morning, I was in a state of severe diabetic ketoacidosis. It probably had nothing to do with the alcohol I had been drinking and a lot to do with the fact that I hadn’t barely taken any insulin in the year leading up to this event. Actually, that’s not true, in the year I hadn’t taken insulin, I had been drinking heavily, I kindof in a way got what was coming to me: a 3 day trip to ICU with the doctors wondering what I had done to myself and telling my mom that they didn’t know if they were going to be able to bring me out of whatever it was that I had put myself into.
Yes, done in an irresponsible manner, diabetes and drinking can be deadly…but then again, done in an irresponsible manner, drinking can be deadly all by itself, the diabetes just kind of seems to magnify that danger. That was echoed to me on a recent trip to Vegas, where it was a battle of whether or not I could drink. I lost that battle, because I had friends that didn’t want to spend the night with me in the hospital. Now, at the time of this trip to Vegas, I hadn’t drank in 2 years. I hadn’t drank because mainly, I hated the way I couldn’t drink freely and had to watch what I was drinking and how much I was drinking due to my diabetes (which in retrospect, if you think about it, is what every person needs to be doing, but I digress). I also knew, that if I started drinking again, that there would be no control, it’d go back to it being a game, because that’s what always happened, it had been seen in my past. I had gone once 6 months without drinking and when I started up again it was a game, who could drink the most and still be standing. So Vegas just left me with the ache to drink. I wanted a drink and bad. I wanted a corona beer or a vodka and red bull (my favorites) but it wasn’t happening. I got a few sips. But it wasn’t enough.
Then we fast forward to this week, when I decided I needed a beer because I was frustrated at work and there was a bar down on the golf course and it was a 10 minute walk from work. This beer was a test. I was only going to have one beer. My diabetes was under control, and had been mostly so for the past 9 months. It was just one drink, I could do this, I was going to sit and enjoy it, I wasn’t going to slam it down and ask for the next one. I checked my blood before we went on our walk, I drank my beer, we walked back to work and I kept a close eye on my blood sugars. I never did find out how many carbs were in my Corona, and I didn’t take a shot for it because of not knowing the carb content, and my blood sugar did end up going low.
There’s an art to drinking and diabetes and I may never know exactly how to paint that picture exactly as it is because things are always changing, but the other day, I proved, I can drink, I need to have control when I drink, but I can drink and I can do it without destroying my life. I really don’t have to fear my diabetes while drinking as long as I drink in moderation. That there, moderation, is the trick, but with diabetes, when is moderation not the trick?
Jello - Diabetes 365 Day 54 - Nov 28, 2007
I went and had my gums grafted today and that threw a wrench into the whole gotta eat to live thing. I can’t eat normal foods, I gotta eat soft foods, and having just had the minor surgery, I really couldn’t eat much of anything.
Mom made a treat for me though, she made me some sugar free jello. She was really cute about it, "would you like me to make you some jello, you can choose from the sugar free flavors up on the top shelf"
I can’t tell you the last time I had jello, but it sure is a good comfort food And it’s even better that I don’t have to take insulin for it, I love those kinds of foods
There is no cure for diabetes…
Yet!
Is Your Diabetes That Bad?
It seems to be the thing these days, for me to be running around without a watch (I’m too lazy to get a new battery) or my cellphone (that thing’s a damn leash 80% of the time) and so when I need the time, the pump gets unclipped from my pants.
Last night I was at a friend’s house for dinner and we had all eaten and what not and one of the attending families had a little baby that was starting to get cranky so they were going to pack up and go. BUT! (and this is really important) dessert hadn’t been served yet. So, they started serving dessert. I was in talking to the host’s cousin, who knew nothing of my diabetes, when all this mumble jumble about dessert occurred, and I pulled my pump off my belt to view the time and he’s like “WHAT IS THAT” me, all calmly, “oh, it’s just my insulin pump” and I start to explain it, and he’s like, “no, I know what it is, but is your diabetes that bad”
I just kindof looked at him dumbfounded, how do i respond to it, I don’t recall how I responded to it, but then he said “can’t you take shots or something” then I explained that I had been taking 10 shots a day and to have tighter control of my diabetes being on the insulin pump was best.
It’s funny sometimes to see the misunderstandings that people have. It’s funny in retrospect I should say, and I guess it depends on what misunderstanding it is, because I do have my days where the misunderstandings could be considered an unforgivable sin.
Expanding the Library - Diabetes 365 Day 53 - Nov 27, 2007
Oddly enough, if there’s one kind of book that I don’t have on my book shelves it’s diabetes books. Having seen this one among other diabetes 365 pictures and seeing it on other d-blogs I decided it was worth me reading.
There is no cure for diabetes…
Yet!
Flawed Marriage, Doomed From the Start
Diabetes and I have had it rough since day one. In fact, it can kind of be thought of like a pre-arranged marriage. One in which diabetes was deeply in love with me and me not so much with it. In fact, had there been a cure in any one of the 50 states, I would’ve gone and gotten a divorce as soon as I found out we were married. *drums: ba da bop*
Diabetes marriage to me wasn’t like that of Salvatore’s in “The Wedding Planner”. You know, the one where he had to marry Mary’s mom due to a pre-arrangement and he was in love with some other woman and yet he grew to love the one he had married, and his love began when he was lying in bed deathly ill and she sat there by him he began to appreciate her.
I appreciated her.
Then the appreciation grew to respect.
Respect grew to like.
Then like grew to love.
A deeper love than I could ever hope for.
We’ve heard the deathly ill story before, what diabetic hasn’t. But as diabetes sat there by my side gripping my pancreas, there was no appreciation for that. There definitely has been no respect for diabetes either, he’s not respected, his territory isn’t respected, what he’s done isn’t respect, yup, definitely not any respect. And where’s there’s no respect how can there ever be like, and where there’s no like, there can’t be love. I can say however there’s a deeper hate than most people will ever feel in their life.
Diabetes and I would’ve slept in different rooms had it been possible. If I had to live with it, there was no reason that I should have to sleep with. He’s been put in the dog house while I enjoy the every day pleasures of normal life, except for the fact that like any couple that’s having marital problems the problem always returns. I’ll have the bed all to myself and the next thing I know diabetes is back in it with me and I’m having a hypoglycemic seizure. I’ll be out with friends and out of the blue diabetes appears and I have to take a moment to fight with it. I’ll be making a meal, something diabetes doesn’t like, but it doesn’t matter because diabetes isn’t around, and oh damn, diabetes appears, ready for dinner as though I should’ve been making it to include him all along.
Kind of funny if you think about it, diabetes and I are the married couple that is have marital problems and counseling isn’t working. Yes, we’ve been to counseling, I think we did what most couples do when they go to counseling (from what I’ve seen in the movies of course) we’ve denied our problems (we being me, because diabetes tells you that there’s no problem at all, oh wait, that is denial isn’t it…yes, we’ve denied our problems, both of us). We’re not even exactly sure how long we’ve been together, I vaguely remember getting it sometime before the 4th of July in 1992, but that could’ve been June or July. I pull random dates out of my head and diabetes doesn’t argue, June 11, 1992. But then again, if you were with me, you wouldn’t argue either, as a Courtney is always right.
This is the perfect place for a clip from Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I think that movie in a way does an excellent job of displaying me and diabetes, this is what Mrs. Smith had to say in one instance and in the case of me and diabetes, it would be diabetes speaking:
There’s this huge space between us. And it just keeps filling up with everything that we don’t say to each other.
Yes, diabetes and I have this huge space between us and it’s because I don’t talk about it, but we’re improving, I’ve been pouring out all my feelings, ok, maybe not all of them, out on my blog, and diabetes can always read my blog, I don’t have to tell him directly what’s going on, right? Diabetes speaks to me all the time, hey guess what you’re going to go blind this morning your blood sugar is low. Hey how about vomiting some green acid from the bottom of your stomach you’re going into diabetic ketoacidosis. You, how about some extra bit of emotions today, because you haven’t had enough, oh am I sending mixed messages, yes, you could be low or you could be high. Yes, diabetes talks to me. But he’s fairly cruel when he does so I don’t feel so bad about not talking to him.
We’ve tried the temporary separation thing, or rather, I’ve tried the temporary separation thing with diabetes, and I say temporary because it just won’t stay gone for long. And really, that’s me in denial because it’s never really gone, but let me be in denial for the purposes of this piece. The truth is, diabetes is like the kid that’s screaming “mommy don’t leave me” as you’ve dropped them off at daycare for the day so that you can go to work and afford to have the little brat (I don’t really feel like that towards kids, but roll with me here, as I am on a roll, that and I do feel that way about diabetes). They’re hanging onto your leg and in the event that someone actually is successful in tearing them off of you, you are so fortunate as to return to them in the evening.
I try extra hard to separate myself from diabetes, in fact, in a conversation a couple weeks ago there was an amusing bit about my separation from diabetes. It was all because of my handle on Twitter, it was RideToRemedy because I was going to twitter my blood sugars and diabetes crap, but then because life is as it is, life got twittered and this conversation happened:
Friend: What’s with your handle?
Me: It was for my diabetes
Friend: And?
Me: And I was going to twitter it and keep it separate from my real life but it didn’t work out so well
Friend: And what, diabetes is in your fake life?
No, in my fake life, I have prince charming, and I enjoy being around prince charming and I love prince charming. Diabetes is in my real life, thanks for reminding me. Yeah, I try to separate my life from diabetes. It doesn’t work out to well for either of us.
In fact, I’ve gone as far as trying to kill diabetes, but diabetes bites back and it has tried to kill me. Now, it’s about as much of a crime for me to kill diabetes as it is a crime for diabetes to kill me which I’m sure in any of the 50 states isn’t a crime at all so much as it is a sad medical death. Well for me it would be a sad medical death, for diabetes, it would be…a miracle, it would be a miracle if death came to diabetes. I know, I’m such an evil wife to diabetes, but can you really blame me, at all, for any of it?
Sometimes, You Need A Beer - Diabetes 365 Day 52 - Nov 26, 2007
It could’ve alternatively been named "diabetic drinking" but today, sometimes you need a beer was a much better title. There’s an art to drinking with diabetes and it’s not so easy sometimes. But sometimes, it’s the diabetes that drives me to drink. I can’t wait for the day when I can have a beer and not care what it’s going to do the the blood sugars.
There is no cure for diabetes…
Yet!
The Last Piece - Diabetes 365 Day 51 - Nov 25, 2007
There’s something about the word "holiday" that causes my blood sugars to go high. Rarely do I get to eat dessert on Thanksgiving or on Christmas.
I didn’t get any pumpkin pie this year, but I did manage to get the last piece of the apple pie.
There is no cure for diabetes…
Yet!